being alone

I like this new snapshot idea. It forces me to be creative and on the spot take a picture that exemplifies my current state of mind, without moving, with only my phone camera, and without editing the picture in any way except to rotate it. I think maybe I just like to challenge myself. Actually, there's no "maybe" about it, I do. Quite often I do things "just to see if I can."

This picture is a great one because there are no people in it. If you have ever seen BYU, even if it is only out of the window of a fighter jet, you will know just how rare that is. Because there are 30,000 people who attend a school that covers approximately 1.218 square miles. Which is not large. However, I don't know if that is really how large it is because BYU doesn't post the square footage of their campus on their website; I know, how ridiculous is that. So I had to calculate it by looking at the little campus map and measuring with the little scale in the corner. And I am not good at math. Also, I put my whole internet in French, so the scale was showing in meters instead of miles. So then I had to convert meters to miles. Then I had to calculate the vertical distance, and I couldn't rotate the map to use the little scale, so I had to do a complicated driving directions search to give me how many miles the campus was high. Then I had to convert my meters to miles (1 mile is 1,609.344 meters, in case you wondered) and times those two together. I think it took me about 20 minutes to calculate, but it is all worth it because BYU is possibly 1.218 square miles large.

So, now that I've gotten that vitally important statistic out of the way, I can go on about the fact that there are no people in the snapshot. I was going to get into this great poetic/philosophic discussion about people and being alone and loneliness. It would have been epic.

But man, that math problem was exhausting. I'm lonely, we'll just leave it at that.

Love,
Lizzy :)

end fat talk

I saw this video in the Nutrition class I transcribe, and thought it was extremely well-done and applicable. I would encourage all of you to watch it and think about the message behind it.

Love,
Lizzy

tired

This is a french dictionary. It describes both my current activity and my state of mind.

Love,
Lizzy

snapshot

I figured that because my blog posts tend to be too long when they occur at all, I will simply do life snapshots. When I have a minute, I will take a picture of wherever I am that accurately represents my current activity. I look forward to this fun new method of blogging because A. I get to use the awesome camera on my phone and B. I find BlueTooth very magical.

And yes, I know no one even reads this. But still. I'm entertained.

falling for BYU

Well, school is growing on me. I find myself learning more because I love learning, and caring less about my grades--not much less, mind, but enough less to make school much more enjoyable. The fall weather is beautiful, albeit freezing, and I am feeling much more secure and in control of my studies, less overwhelmed and more enjoying the journey. :)

My recent breakup has been difficult, to say the least. I still have Edward as a best friend, and we still talk daily--okay, usually at least three times daily--and see each other regularly, but I feel like I have lost the tie that said he was mine, like our relationship is now infinitely more fragile, like I could lose him with a strong gust of wind. It is a hole, something lost, something missing, but hopefully someday the hole will be filled forever. And that is what keeps me going.

Not much else is new...just life, the universe, and everything. Comme d'habitude. ;)

Love,
Lizzy :)

love is not simple.

Actually, love is probably the most complicated emotion a person could ever feel. That's why relationships can be so difficult and confusing.

Last night, I broke up with my best friend and the love of my life. Before you freak out, let me explain. Edward and I are both very young, very very young to be in such a committed and emotionally demanding relationship. It has been a wonderful journey and I have been so privileged to have him. But we had reached a point in our relationship where we could not progress as a couple until we had progressed alone, and figured out who we were as individuals. I came to the conclusion that the only way to save our relationship (which had been under great strain of late) was to end it.

We're not thinking of it as an end, but rather as a step in our journey through life together, and hopefully a step that will mean that when he's returned from his LDS mission, we can better handle the demands of that kind of a relationship because we are older, more mature, and we know who we are.

I went in to the breakup like I was walking to my death, but after the deed was done and I was sobbing, things went surprisingly well. Edward is a wonderful man who was kind and comforting, and told me that it was okay, that we would of course remain friends, even best friends, and that if this would make me happy, it would make him happy.

By the time I came home, we were laughing and joking about our breakup, and we were both, remarkably, happy. We both know we made the right choice at the right time, and we look forward to a long and happy future together, even though we don't think it is best that we are together right now.

Love,
Lizzy :)

the stars are falling all for us

Good news! School is getting easier and I am not even failing any classes currently. I'm starting to get the whole college thing down. And I may possibly retain some knowledge. That's a big commitment to hope, though, and I wouldn't want to do that. Also, the leaves are changing and if I haven't mentioned before, BYU is beautiful. Seriously.

Love,
Lizzy ;)